this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
