Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
