just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
