Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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