found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
