Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
