Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
