OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
