I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
