My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is the high leading the old right now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize