I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please don't give away my fajitas
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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