for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
