I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
