Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
