How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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