I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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