Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
