Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
