how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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