Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
