i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
