OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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