I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
