break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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