In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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