belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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