Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
