Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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