Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
