..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
