I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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