Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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