Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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