I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
