so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
