He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
