your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
