you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize