i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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