My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
