You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
