did you get engaged???
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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