i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
