you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
