Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
