Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
