Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize