absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
