We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
