my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
