Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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