He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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