that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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