Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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