I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
