Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
