Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
