I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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