ADVERTISEMENT

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

  Fav 64 2185 8777

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

  Fav 30 6089 924

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (517): View more from Michigan

  the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season

  Fav 55 5305 1119

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.

  Fav 4 2253 1015

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

  Fav 13 5518 1062

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

  Fav 5 1899 943

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!

  Fav 13 1687 818

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….

  (716): View more from New York

  ...Then...

  (585): View more from New York

  Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one

  Fav 0 1030 559

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.

  Fav 0 551 870

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

  Fav 2 1242 570

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.

  Fav 3 723 486

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.

  Fav 0 179 125

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!

  Fav 0 92 13

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  that guy was staring at your tits.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.

  Fav 0 65 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you missed a good time last night.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.

  Fav 0 48 13

  share tweet
  

Randomize