Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
