Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
