The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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