i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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