she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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