She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
