How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
