the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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