There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
time to smoke my breakfast
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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