we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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